Kira was born and raised in Brighton Beach in Brooklyn, a neighborhood known for its Russian restaurants, nightclubs, and citizens. She is now a sophomore at NYU and attended a high school in Brooklyn, where many of her classmates were also Russian students with immigrant parents. Kira was raised almost entirely in a Russian lifestyle. Although she enjoys many aspects of American culture (having grown up in it) she still associates herself fully with Russian culture and society. Her family does not celebrate many American holidays including thanksgiving, preferring to have large dinners with friends as celebratory events. Knowing Kira for almost my entire life and knowing the way she was raised, I thought it would be interesting to hear her side of being raised in an almost entirely Russian world.
Nikita: You were raised in almost an entirely Russian lifestyle, what would you say was the most memorable part of your upbringing?
Kira: Probably my parents tutoring me in all of the Russian things that all of us are forced to study when we are kids, like piano and math and spelling and writing. But I don’t really remember it being a bad experience. I just remember doing a lot of mindless work. This definitely helped me in the future because being able to just sit down and work for long periods of time was something that I had to do a lot of and the fact that my parents forced me to do it as a kid prepared me to do it as a bigger kid.
N: That’s funny, because my parents put me through much of the same, the same study booklets, the same piano teachers and programs, but for me that was a struggle all the way through. I hated almost every minute of it. That’s probably because I wasn’t good at it, so every step way was difficult and I fought every step of the way. And when I got older I really didn’t use any, and I mean any, not the principles nor the skills, that were thrown on me when I was young. It wasn’t until recently that I realized how necessary, at least some of the stuff I was taught, was. But for you it seems like you were able to stifle the terrible aspects of it all and turn it to your use.
You were raised in a fairly hardcore Russian manner, and are relatively Russian yourself. How do you think being so in tune with an opposite culture affected your time in high school?
K: I lucked out that I went to a large enough high school that I was able to find a group of people who I felt were similar enough or I felt comfortable enough with to be friends with. But you have to remember, that the way I was raised and the way I felt and behaved were not that close. I retained the working habits, sure, and I was always proud of my Russian traditions and family and was always able to laugh at them, but when I was at school I was a classic New York high school girl. I made the same stupid mistakes, went to the same parties, talked the same, listen to the same music, watched the same tv shows, and had the same jokes as the other guys and girls in my grade, regardless of my heritage. However, if there was one thing that always held me back was the “bear mother”.
N: bear mother?
K: You know the phrase “tiger mother”, this is the same thing but for Russian mothers. Really parents in general. For my parents, my studies always came first, even before me sometimes which seems a little counterintuitive. I have had to sacrifice more than one night out and more than one social activity in order to appease my parents. There was really no arguing with them. Our conversations would dissolve into shouting matches where everyone would go to bed angry, and nothing would get done. I really resented my parents for this for the first three years of high school. Only by senior year did I realize that what they really did have my best interests in mind, they just had a weird way of showing it. But the rebelliousness that many kids experience came back and came back with force last year for me. Having the freedom of being away from my parents, my own adult, even if it was 30 minutes away, was overwhelming. I lost track a little bit. I kind of wish I was more rebellious in high school, snuck out a bit more and made more mistakes. That way I would have had less trouble when I became independent.
N: That’s very interesting because I had an almost entirely opposite experience. My mom always encouraged my social life and was happy knowing that I was out happy with friends. And when we argued, it always came down to academics and planning and organization. But I agree that I too wanted to have a little bit more rebellion and a little bit more mistakes happen to me. Only I wish that it had happened in middle school not high school. But after everything, I think that my parents sheltering was only natural, you can’t really blame them for not wanting us to get hurt and they think they always know how to protect us.
Anyway, considering American and Russian cultures, what are some crossovers that you have found? What do you consider the most Russian and the most American parts of yourself?
K: That is really not a fair question. I was raised surrounded by Russian culture, in a neighborhood where almost everyone is Russian and almost everyone knows almost everyone else. But I spent my adolescence and the years when a lot of maturing happens living as an American girl. So I can’t really say. I truly feel in tune with both cultures. I do wish however that my family celebrated more American traditions every now and then, like thanksgiving and all of that. But I guess we make up for it by having those big group dinners with like, four families. And now that I have a little bit more freedom I’m free to enjoy all the aspects of culture that I want to and ignore those that I don’t.
N: I guess that’s what is cool about coming from two cultures. Some people might think that it means that we have no culture to identify with but really it means we have two to mix and match from. We have a surplus of culture. Having the freedom to choose what we believe in and what traditions we want to follow and what holidays we want to celebrate on top of having these two massive pools of Russian and American backgrounds really gives us a leg up on some people who have no idea what they want to be identified as.
K: That’s true. If you really think about it, we are as close as one can get to the definition of “Russian-American”.
N: Alright, last question, if you could have been raised differently, would you have? What do you think would have been different?
K: I would not have wanted to be raised in a different manner. Not at all. I think that the way my parents raised me, although at the time seemed pointless, was the only thing that helped me grow and mature into the person I am today. I used to think that their rules and arguments were just there to hurt me, but I now know that those were only in place because my parents loved me, and wanted to make sure that I did not end up falling behind and becoming a burn out. However, if, let’s say, my parents were not Russian immigrants from Odessa but Americans from Virginia, I think the whole process of high school and college studying and application would have been easier. Having parents who had no idea about how the college process or the high school process work, for whom Harvard was the only college that existed, was not easy. So if anything, that would have been different. That is my only regret of my upbringing. But overall, no, I do not wish I was raised in a different manner.
N: Alright, well, thank you for answering my questions.
K: No problem.
Kira: Probably my parents tutoring me in all of the Russian things that all of us are forced to study when we are kids, like piano and math and spelling and writing. But I don’t really remember it being a bad experience. I just remember doing a lot of mindless work. This definitely helped me in the future because being able to just sit down and work for long periods of time was something that I had to do a lot of and the fact that my parents forced me to do it as a kid prepared me to do it as a bigger kid.
N: That’s funny, because my parents put me through much of the same, the same study booklets, the same piano teachers and programs, but for me that was a struggle all the way through. I hated almost every minute of it. That’s probably because I wasn’t good at it, so every step way was difficult and I fought every step of the way. And when I got older I really didn’t use any, and I mean any, not the principles nor the skills, that were thrown on me when I was young. It wasn’t until recently that I realized how necessary, at least some of the stuff I was taught, was. But for you it seems like you were able to stifle the terrible aspects of it all and turn it to your use.
You were raised in a fairly hardcore Russian manner, and are relatively Russian yourself. How do you think being so in tune with an opposite culture affected your time in high school?
K: I lucked out that I went to a large enough high school that I was able to find a group of people who I felt were similar enough or I felt comfortable enough with to be friends with. But you have to remember, that the way I was raised and the way I felt and behaved were not that close. I retained the working habits, sure, and I was always proud of my Russian traditions and family and was always able to laugh at them, but when I was at school I was a classic New York high school girl. I made the same stupid mistakes, went to the same parties, talked the same, listen to the same music, watched the same tv shows, and had the same jokes as the other guys and girls in my grade, regardless of my heritage. However, if there was one thing that always held me back was the “bear mother”.
N: bear mother?
K: You know the phrase “tiger mother”, this is the same thing but for Russian mothers. Really parents in general. For my parents, my studies always came first, even before me sometimes which seems a little counterintuitive. I have had to sacrifice more than one night out and more than one social activity in order to appease my parents. There was really no arguing with them. Our conversations would dissolve into shouting matches where everyone would go to bed angry, and nothing would get done. I really resented my parents for this for the first three years of high school. Only by senior year did I realize that what they really did have my best interests in mind, they just had a weird way of showing it. But the rebelliousness that many kids experience came back and came back with force last year for me. Having the freedom of being away from my parents, my own adult, even if it was 30 minutes away, was overwhelming. I lost track a little bit. I kind of wish I was more rebellious in high school, snuck out a bit more and made more mistakes. That way I would have had less trouble when I became independent.
N: That’s very interesting because I had an almost entirely opposite experience. My mom always encouraged my social life and was happy knowing that I was out happy with friends. And when we argued, it always came down to academics and planning and organization. But I agree that I too wanted to have a little bit more rebellion and a little bit more mistakes happen to me. Only I wish that it had happened in middle school not high school. But after everything, I think that my parents sheltering was only natural, you can’t really blame them for not wanting us to get hurt and they think they always know how to protect us.
Anyway, considering American and Russian cultures, what are some crossovers that you have found? What do you consider the most Russian and the most American parts of yourself?
K: That is really not a fair question. I was raised surrounded by Russian culture, in a neighborhood where almost everyone is Russian and almost everyone knows almost everyone else. But I spent my adolescence and the years when a lot of maturing happens living as an American girl. So I can’t really say. I truly feel in tune with both cultures. I do wish however that my family celebrated more American traditions every now and then, like thanksgiving and all of that. But I guess we make up for it by having those big group dinners with like, four families. And now that I have a little bit more freedom I’m free to enjoy all the aspects of culture that I want to and ignore those that I don’t.
N: I guess that’s what is cool about coming from two cultures. Some people might think that it means that we have no culture to identify with but really it means we have two to mix and match from. We have a surplus of culture. Having the freedom to choose what we believe in and what traditions we want to follow and what holidays we want to celebrate on top of having these two massive pools of Russian and American backgrounds really gives us a leg up on some people who have no idea what they want to be identified as.
K: That’s true. If you really think about it, we are as close as one can get to the definition of “Russian-American”.
N: Alright, last question, if you could have been raised differently, would you have? What do you think would have been different?
K: I would not have wanted to be raised in a different manner. Not at all. I think that the way my parents raised me, although at the time seemed pointless, was the only thing that helped me grow and mature into the person I am today. I used to think that their rules and arguments were just there to hurt me, but I now know that those were only in place because my parents loved me, and wanted to make sure that I did not end up falling behind and becoming a burn out. However, if, let’s say, my parents were not Russian immigrants from Odessa but Americans from Virginia, I think the whole process of high school and college studying and application would have been easier. Having parents who had no idea about how the college process or the high school process work, for whom Harvard was the only college that existed, was not easy. So if anything, that would have been different. That is my only regret of my upbringing. But overall, no, I do not wish I was raised in a different manner.
N: Alright, well, thank you for answering my questions.
K: No problem.